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From Shame Church to Goddess Pleasure Temple

On Sunday, May 16, 2021, I attended what I thought would be a Spiritual church service with a friend. This friend and I had a unique relationship. We actually met on Tinder at the start of the pandemic and decided to just be friends. I appreciated connecting with his conscious masculine presence. We were both at unique points in our spiritual journeys, exploring shadow integration and the essence/balancing of yin & yang energies. Our friendship was filled with walks in the park and provocative conversations that expanded, contracted, inspired and challenged me.

This day in May initiated me in a different direction which ultimately brought us apart. I arrived at the service, which was "ironically" in a mall, dressed like a modern-day Witch; black & crystals to honor a meeting with Divinity. Later that day I would be playing hostess at a special memorial bellydance show for my first teacher that passed tragically in a motorcycle accident the year prior. She was also my Reiki instructor and I loved her dearly. Early in the church service, I began feeling a little uninspired when the songs being sung by an incredible band of humans included lyrics of Jesus as the one and only Lord and Savior.

The young pastor called out for a specific church-goer who had been "haunted by death" to come forth and be blessed. I couldn't help but feel like he was speaking of me, as death was truly my first initiation into spirituality from a young age, however I felt uncompelled to reveal myself. Eventually someone else came forth and was surrounded by people hollowing blessings into their ears. I was then approached in the crowd by another man who invited me into a back room to pray. I felt suspicious but too curious to pass it up, so I agreed. After several minutes and a second room change, I found myself sitting in a circle with two men and a sweet and somewhat submissive pregnant woman, all lecturing me about the evil dangers of crystals, reiki, tarot, earth-based spirituality and anything not directly from the Bible. Eventually my friend came to find me and we left.

It took about a year for this experience to catch up with me. In 2022, I enrolled in Layla Martin's VITA coaching program: a vital & integrated tantric approach to love, sex and relationships. If you don't know who Layla Martin is, she is a deep, playful and scientifically knowledgable Sex Witch who, along some of her own mentors such as the epic Mama Gena and incredible Minke de Vos, has been working for decades to bring the pleasure back to pussies through the sacredness of Tantra and the Tao. As soon as we got to the module on sexual life-force energy and Kundalini, it's like the shame that church infused in me the year prior, plus past life witch-wounds bubbled up to the surface. I went through a dark night of the soul/spiritual crisis that took me to the edge of my beliefs. Eventually, I came out the other side laughing at the cosmic joke of it all as I remembered the divinity of my body.

It turns out that pre-Judeo-Christian times, early religion looked a lot more Feminine. Common spiritual practices included nature-based celebrations that were centered around the harvest & food cycle. It wasn't until patriarchical-dominated religions used violence to take many of these tribes down that these practices, along with our physical world and bodies were demonized. I mean - have you heard the Garden of Eden story? Whether we consider ourselves religious, spiritual or not, many of us hold the imprint of these injustices in our subconscious conditioning that create a fear of death for living as spiritual, pleasure-filled beings. We see these horrifying injustices on people, especially women, still happening in certain places of the world.

On the other side of my spiritual crisis was an invitation to join my VITA peers in jungle who have had the privilege, courage and audacity and reclaim the holiness of our bodies and sexuality. There, I found myself in a new kind of church. We'll call it Goddess Temple. Goddess Temple was radically liberating. Despite how new it was for me, I felt I sense of belonging. We cried, we played, we screamed, we expanded into our orgasmic bliss, had a pussy disco, did sex magic in nature and transformed. In Goddess Temple, the naked body is revered, pleasure is celebrated, and conditioned-shame is alchemized into the true innocent beauty of our primal human essence. It was a truly unforgettable homecoming that reminded me of who the F I am and the kind of wild innocence I stand for.

Being in the VITA program under Layla's guidance for a year has helped me see the cruel and selfish reasons these patriarchal religions would want to turn us against our own bodies, especially our sexual energy. Because It is the ultimate disempowering move. Our bodies are incredible and capable of miraculous things. Our sexual energy is THE powerful energetic life-force that creates dreams, lives, worlds and yoniverses. And we are ALL Creators with a direct connection to the Divine. When we truly remember that, religion loses a lot of its oppressive power and control and slowly but surely goes out of style and out of business.

Today I can say that I no longer waver in my Truth when outside judgments leak into my field naming any part of Creation as unholy. I choose instead to walk a Tantric Path where my spiritual practice is to be bold enough to Desire BIG while meeting the truth of what is with gratitude, love and acceptance. I know that no matter how unconventional or wild, my desires are holy and an important part of the expression of my souls essence, the unique cosmic snowflake of me.

As a passionate Goddess-devotee and a transformational love, sex & relationship coach, I am honored and committed to serving those who are ready to come home to their bodies, their divinity, their holy pleasure and deepest truth. The world is brighter when we all come home to Loves embrace. xox,


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